July 13, 2010

How Does This Happen?

One day, everything is great.  Its our first pregnancy, we are expecting quads.  I’m feeling great and we are making plans for our family…

19 weeks Growing by the week…

20 weeks_4 We’re getting weekly updates on the babies, and things are going well…

There’s Lily all happy in utero…

B 4D

And, Paige looking very cute…

C 4D

And, Rylan growing up to be our big boy…

D 4D

And then this?


Why does this happen?  How come that’s the end to my story? 

I guess I’ll never get it.


  1. It's not the end of your story, it's a big part of it, but not the end. It feels like it, and it will for a while, but it will get better. Sending prayers for you, and sending hugs to you.

  2. Oh Lauren...{{HUG}}. It's not the end. Try to remember that there is a Plan and that you are loved very much!

  3. I can only imagine the pain you must still feel, missing your babies. My heart aches for your loss and I continue to think of you and your family and send out much love and prayers for your peace and healing...

  4. I hope for you this is not the end, but a very difficult and sad chapter - which will change who you are forever, but won't break you. It's so hard to go from joy to devastation in only days and still have hope, but I pray it finds you.

  5. I hope for you this is not the end, but a very difficult and sad chapter - which will change who you are forever, but won't break you. It's so hard to go from joy to devastation in only days and still have hope, but I pray it finds you.

  6. Oh my darling girl. I simply don't have any answers. I am so sorry for your hurting, broken heart x

  7. *BIG HUGS*

    I can't even begin to imagine what you feel. You've been through the worst kind of pain.

    However, I fully believe it's not the end of your story. There is a greater plan and I believe it will bring awesome things for you. I know it can never take away the pain that you feel, but please have hope that NOW is not the end.

    Also, may I say what an inspiration you've been? I know that this is a post that shows how sad you are (and have a right to be), but the majority of your blog shows the LIFE that you are living. You show how you love and remember your Green Beans, but still live everyday life. A lot of people wouldn't do that.... they'd never be able to get up and get out, again. You have and that makes you a hero, in my opinion.

  8. i don't know why either...i wish i did sweetie...but i trust our babies had purpose...you and josh have taught me so much, were such an encouragement to me during my hospital bedrest and now, you are both friends. while i know we would both give it back to have our babies...i'm thankful to have you as a friend. and i'm thankful your babies brought us together!

    they are loved and remembered by me and by so many others...


  9. i wanted to add....please keep writing about your babies and about grief....its helpful to so many!

  10. I just don't know why! I'm so sorry you are missing your Green Beans today and everyday! It doesn't seem fair, or right, or legal even!! I'm lifting you up in prayer!

  11. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to go through what you've been through. I continue to pray for you and Josh, and I pray that this isn't the end of your story!

  12. :(

    I don't really know what to say, so I'll just send some virtual ((((hugs)))

  13. I'm so sorry Lauren. It does feel like the end doesn't it? We have a blessed hope of seeing our babies again, but that does very little this side of heaven to help our breaking heart. Thinking of you and your green beans.


  14. I don't know, but it's not fair! I don't for a second think it's the end to your story though.

  15. It's not the end...

    Do you remember when you did that video a while ago for the church? Did anyone ever tell you that your story helped heal a couple in our church who had lost their child almost 20 years ago?

    I cannot imagine how you feel, but thank you for always being open about it.

    God will continue to use your story. And though it might be easy to blame him at times, know that He knows what it is like to lose a child...

  16. I keep trying to think of the right thing to say, and everything just falls short. I am so so sorry for your losses. So sad that the end to that story wasn't a happy one. I agree with other commenters that you have been an inspiration and your babies have changed the world for the better many times over. I also believe and pray that happier endings are ahead. Lots of love Lauren.

  17. Oh precious friend, I don't get it either. And when I take that long trip down memory lane it brings me to my knees. I ask God "why" and hear the gentle echo "I will comfort you in times of weakness". *sigh* Lean on him during these times when there are no answers and lean on us to carry your burdens along with you.

    I'm sorry that you find yourself in this place. It's uncomfortable and sometimes unbearable, but we trudge on in search of what eludes us. Hold Josh tight and weather this storm of emotions together. You've had a good run honey, you see the positive, fill your time with productive things and find the good in life. Now, take some time to just "be".

    Sending you love and continued prayers.


  18. I don't know why either Lauren...I wish this wasn't a question we had to think about. I am so sorry for your pain. I think of you and your babies often. I loved the posts you wrote introducing us to each of your children. I still want to do that for Sophia & Ellie, but just haven't yet. You are very inspiring to so many and I am thankful I found your blog.

  19. Oh Lauren, my heart is aching for you :( I've sat here for probably 10 whole minutes trying to find the right thing to say, but I feel like nothing measures up...just know that you have a ton of people who love you and are here for you..and ultimately remember that God always has a plan...even if it seems pretty crappy to start, SOMETHING good always comes of it

    Kristi Guillory

  20. Something we'll never really know...but I don't believe it is the end. For you, me, or any of us.

  21. It's definitely not the end of your story or your babies' story. I know that there is plenty of happiness that lies ahead of you guys!! LOVE YOU!

  22. I love you, Lauren! I can't imagine what you're going through, but it's certainly not the end to your story..not even close. Eventually, you'll be able to see that too.

  23. Aww friend ;( Someday you will experience being pregnant again and things will work out for you. This was so sad and I still feel for you all the time :(

    Love you



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    My Story
    Welcome to my life…

    Over the past three years it has been flipped upside down. I am 31 years old, and married to my hubby of three years, Josh. We have 4 beautiful angel babies, who are fondly known as our “Green Beans”. The first of my quads, Heidi, held on as long as she could and was born on January 31, 2009 after pPROMing at 17 weeks. A few weeks later, I pPROM’d with my sweet Lily. Lily, Paige, and Rylan were all born at 22 weeks on February 23, 2009. Just after being released from the hospital empty handed, I returned with a high fever and infection. Two of the nights I spent in the hospital that week, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was the sickest and most hopeless I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my diagnosis was a broken heart.

    Our journey to becoming parents has had its share of happiness and heartbreaks. I got through every day by staying close to Josh, friends and family, blogging, and relying on God that my future will be bright. All the love and support I’ve gotten has greatly helped me manage……I am alive and well, and want to be my absolute best as a result of this.

    On May 1st 2011, we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Taylor, into this world. She is our miracle baby and brings so much joy and happiness in our lives. She is such a gift from God.

    I have come out of all of this with a better appreciation of life. I hope to make the best of this situation by helping others who will experience a similar loss.

    Remembering The Green Beans
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