March 7, 2010

What’s Next?

I’ve been a huge blogging slump lately.  I just haven’t felt like I’ve had anything to say. I feel like I’m entering a new phase in my journey, now that my babies’ first Heaven Days have passed.  I don’t know what’s next, but it feels good so far.

Instead of feeling further from the memory of my children, and from the day that I held them in my arms, I am feeling better.  More free from the haze that I have been living in over the past year.  More like myself again.  Oh, how I’ve missed me!


The grief will inevitably come and go in waves, like it usually does.  As you may know, all too well, this whole grief thing is really unpredictable.  One of the hardest parts about it, is that there is no controlling it.  For those of us who are used to controlling just about everything in our lives, grief can really though you for a loop.  I acknowledge this is now a part of my life and I’m learning how to cope with it. 

Thanks to our memories, my blog, and all of your support, the memory of The Green Beans will live on forever.  They will always be perfect in our memories and in heaven.   I’m lucky to have them in my life.

I look forward to what God has planned for me.   I can’t wait for what’s next!


  1. atta girl! I love your outlook!

  2. This made me SO happy to read! :) I'm sure God has nothing but exciting things in store from here on out!

  3. Lauren,

    I'm so happy that you feel refreshed :)

    You are right, this process is unpredictable, but we take the good when it comes and bask in the sunshine...

    How cute you are in the look like a young Martina McBride!

    HUGS and Much Love
    PS Enjoy what God has set forth for you :)

  4. We all look forward to what's next for you too! And, I feel so blessed to be able to share the memories!

  5. I"m glad you are feeling more like "you"!

  6. I'm glad you are feeling more like "you"!!!
    You have such a great outlook!

  7. Walking with you Lauren. Lots of love xxx

  8. Lauren, We are hoping the best for you, now and always.
    Dad and Mom

  9. Lauren, you are continually on my heart and in my prayers! I am amazed at how you continue to allow the Lord to rebuild His strength in you through such an unfathomnable time in your life. I long to have the faith in the Lord that you do. You are an amazing wife, mommy, and woman of God. I love to see you with your head held high, pressing on the best you can. You are truly an inspiration to so many countless people!

    "God is our refuge and strength"

    PS - And your new hair color looks stunning!

  10. You are amazing!!! I hope to be as strong as you at 1 year. I feel like I am doing well, but I want the fog to lift too. Keep going!! What an example you are.

  11. You are amazing!!! I hope to be as strong as you at 1 year. I feel like I am doing well, but I want the fog to lift too. Keep going!! What an example you are.

  12. I love that picture of you! You are so beautiful! I have thought a lot about you lately because one of my Angel families was pregnant with multiples and delivered one ( and lost her) than delivered the others 2 weeks later they were 24 weekers so they are still in the nicu but just watching them has made me really respect you and Josh a lot!

    I am glad to hear that you are feeling you again, I know thats got to be hard to feel.

    Thank you so much for being my blogger friend I have really enjoyed hearing about your Green beans...

    Love, Jen

  13. Nice to take that deep breath and resurface huh! Good for you sweetie - cant wait to hear whats next. Love, Nan xxxooo

  14. Thanks for being so willing to share your story! I truly believe that is part of why God allows us to walk through certain situations. I believe your story has helped so many people heal in their own journey... in fact, I know it has. Keep being you!

  15. You have a lot to look forward to! I can't wait to see what's next either, it's gonna be something good. =)


  16. I just know He's gonna bring you great things!!


    follow me on Twitter
    My Story
    Welcome to my life…

    Over the past three years it has been flipped upside down. I am 31 years old, and married to my hubby of three years, Josh. We have 4 beautiful angel babies, who are fondly known as our “Green Beans”. The first of my quads, Heidi, held on as long as she could and was born on January 31, 2009 after pPROMing at 17 weeks. A few weeks later, I pPROM’d with my sweet Lily. Lily, Paige, and Rylan were all born at 22 weeks on February 23, 2009. Just after being released from the hospital empty handed, I returned with a high fever and infection. Two of the nights I spent in the hospital that week, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was the sickest and most hopeless I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my diagnosis was a broken heart.

    Our journey to becoming parents has had its share of happiness and heartbreaks. I got through every day by staying close to Josh, friends and family, blogging, and relying on God that my future will be bright. All the love and support I’ve gotten has greatly helped me manage……I am alive and well, and want to be my absolute best as a result of this.

    On May 1st 2011, we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Taylor, into this world. She is our miracle baby and brings so much joy and happiness in our lives. She is such a gift from God.

    I have come out of all of this with a better appreciation of life. I hope to make the best of this situation by helping others who will experience a similar loss.

    Remembering The Green Beans
    <center><a href="" target="_blank"><img alt="Remembering The Green Beans" src="" border='0'/></a></center>