February 23, 2010

Heaven Day


Here we go again; more Heaven Days… 

Last month we honored and celebrated Heidi on her 1st Heaven Day, and now it’s Lily, Paige, and Rylan’s special Heaven Day.

I think about heaven a lot.  It’s such a mystery, but I know it is indescribable and beyond amazing.  When things get really tough or I’m sad, I just try and remember that our time here on earth is actually really short, but we get to spend an eternity in heaven.  My children are there waiting for me, and we will all  be together one day and everything will be perfect!  

Even though one year ago today was the worst night of our lives, the scariest, and the saddest…  It was still beautiful and peaceful in a way.  We held each of our children, prayed with them, and watched their souls become angels. 

I’m surprised, but I am not sad today.  I’m OK with today.  I  want to make remembering my babies a happy thing.  Sure, I’m sad that I don’t have them here with me, but that is so beyond my control it is not even worth dwelling on.  We are celebrating The Green Beans today.  I am so honored that they are a part of my life and that they continue to touch so many of your lives.  That makes me so happy.


For Beans’ Heaven Day, I had this mahogany box engraved for them.  Tonight, we are going to put all of their ashes in their box and keep it on a shelf in our bedroom.  We are also going to spend the evening making the perfect cupcakes for them.


We love you and miss you dearly, Lily, Paige, and Rylan…


  1. Oh Lauren, I am crying...I am so sorry for the heartache you have endured and how impossibly hard this past year has been for you both. I long for Heaven, too...and I think that is one of the unexpected gifts Vivian and Annemarie's passing has brought to my life.

    The special engraved box is beautiful. My heart is with you today as you celebrate the one year Heaven day of three of your beautiful children. I know you will see them all again in Heaven. I hope they are having fun up in Heaven with my girls...

    I am wearing my Green Beans bracelet, and I love it!!!



  2. You and your babies are in my thoughts today and always. I am glad to hear you are feeling ok with today and happy to be honoring them. I will light candles tonight for all of your angels. I love the mahogany box, its going to be perfect with you in your bedroom and you can say goodnight and good morning :) Love and big hugs, Nan xo

  3. Lauren, I've been reading your blog for exactly a year now and I am just in awe over your strength and grace. You are such an amazing mommy and I know your sweet babies are so proud of you. I am covering you in prayer today!

  4. Happy Heaven Day Beans! HUGS!!!!

  5. Lauren I can't imagine the journey you have been on this past year. Keeping you and your sweethearts in my thoughts and prayers. And I bet you make fabulous cupcakes for them xxxx

  6. I remember that night. From the first news I prayed and prayed and when you called my heart broke. I had no answers for you, no comfort no way to "help".
    The box is beautiful. Heidi, Lily, Paige and Rylan you are missed. Save a place for us......

  7. I think that's a great way to go about things. Make those cupcakes extra yummy for your little Beans.

  8. Thinking and praying for you and Josh today.

  9. Today came so fast. I know it's been a year of heartache, growth and adjustment for you two, but you've handled it beautifully and admirably. We are so proud of you two, and love you and the Beans very much!

  10. Sending lots of hugs to you both today. What a beautiful box.
    You have such an inspiring story and you are so strong!
    Its been a pleasure reading your blog even through the tough times.

  11. Praying for you and your Green Beans today. I think of them often, as do I think of you and Josh, and hope that today can be comforting and loving between you both. I know they are in Heaven and happy today, and I pray that they send both love and support to their beautiful parents today. Love you guys! and always the Green Beans!


  12. remembering with you lauren (and josh too)...that box is beautiful....you wrote this post so eloquently...love you guys. thank you for sharing this journey with us.

  13. Remembering and missing Lily, Paige, and Rylan with you. I know today will be full of memories and new traditions as you celebrate your Beans. Hugs.

  14. Happy Belated to Heidi and Happy Angelversary to Lily, Paige and Rylan!

    Mmm... cupcakes!

    May you smile through your tears on this day, Lauren and Josh. My heart is with you on this heavy day.


    PS Sorry I wasn't here on Heidi's day to offer support, I have just come to find you through Caring for Carleigh's Angel Friends link.

  15. what a beautiful way to remember your babies, lauren. my thoughts and prayers are with you today.


  16. The box is so beautiful! Praying that Peace will continute to cover your heart and mind today as you remember your angels. *HUGS*

  17. Lauren, the box is absolutely beautiful and a perfect place for the bean's ashes. I still love your positive outlook, I know it has been a huge factor in getting you through this tuff year. I'll be thinking and praying extra for your whole family today. Love you!!

  18. I love the box you had made. I can't wait to see the pictures of all the cupcakes you made.
    Im thinking of you guys today.

  19. Lauren, your strength amazes me more and more every day. The mahogany box is beautiful and making cupcakes is a wonderful way to honor your Green Beans.. <3 Much love to you, Josh and your Green Beans today <3

  20. I know what you mean about longing for Heaven. It's a shame, but I've never longed for Heaven like I do now. Thinking of you and your precious Green Beans.xo

  21. We're thinking about you guys today. Love you!

  22. Thinking of and praying for you and Josh today. Hoping you find peace in remembering your sweet babies. The promise and hope of heaven keep me going. The box is absolutely beautiful. Don't forget to show us the cupcakes, too!

    Love and hugs,

  23. Lauren,

    Sending you a bouquet of sunshine today and always as we remember "the Green Beans". Your children's lives are touching the lives of others in profound ways and they live on through their legacy :)

    I continue to stand in awe of your poise and strength. You walk a broken path with such FAITH and GRACE, willing yourself forward and finding clarity in the present. Your words have liberated me on many levels and I'm so grateful to know you. Continue to live in the "now" all while honoring your angels.

    What a beautiful celebration in Heaven today...as they are healthy, happy and whole.

    Hugs and have a cup cake for me in honor of God's "perfect" angels :)


  24. Their box is so beautiful and special. Remembering your Green Beans for their special Heaven day. I know that look forward to Heaven so much more now.

  25. Thinking of you a lot today as you remember your little Green Beans. Lots of hugs!!!

  26. That was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine what you guys have gone through in the last year, and would never try to say that I can relate. God be with you both, and bless you in many ways to come!

  27. Your box for your babies is so perfect and special. You are wonderful parents to them and they must be very proud of you both :)

    The Hills

  28. I have been reading your blog for a few months, and I am amazed at your strength and faith through this extremely difficult time. Your story is so sad, but so inspiring at the same time. I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family. Your box is beautiful and a great way to remember and celebrate your babies.

  29. Just a quick note to say we are thinking of you and do so often. You have such amazing strength and grace! Hugs to you and your family during this time.

  30. This post brought tears to my eyes. You never cease to amaze me on what a wonderful outlook you have; it always makes me want to be better too.

    The engraved box turned out beautifully as did the cupcakes! Sending love & hugs your way & thinking of your little Beans.

  31. the box it absolutely beautiful. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Happy Angelversary little one!!

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    My Story
    Welcome to my life…

    Over the past three years it has been flipped upside down. I am 31 years old, and married to my hubby of three years, Josh. We have 4 beautiful angel babies, who are fondly known as our “Green Beans”. The first of my quads, Heidi, held on as long as she could and was born on January 31, 2009 after pPROMing at 17 weeks. A few weeks later, I pPROM’d with my sweet Lily. Lily, Paige, and Rylan were all born at 22 weeks on February 23, 2009. Just after being released from the hospital empty handed, I returned with a high fever and infection. Two of the nights I spent in the hospital that week, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was the sickest and most hopeless I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my diagnosis was a broken heart.

    Our journey to becoming parents has had its share of happiness and heartbreaks. I got through every day by staying close to Josh, friends and family, blogging, and relying on God that my future will be bright. All the love and support I’ve gotten has greatly helped me manage……I am alive and well, and want to be my absolute best as a result of this.

    On May 1st 2011, we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Taylor, into this world. She is our miracle baby and brings so much joy and happiness in our lives. She is such a gift from God.

    I have come out of all of this with a better appreciation of life. I hope to make the best of this situation by helping others who will experience a similar loss.

    Remembering The Green Beans
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