July 15, 2009

rylan otto

I loved reading all your sweet comments about my Little Paige. It was really nice to just highlight one of my babies for a day, and to remember and honor just her. It is also nice to give you all the opportunity to "get to know" my babies the way I do.

Rylan is my sweet little boy. He was the youngest and smallest. He was the last to be conceived, and contently stayed in my upper, right side throughout the whole pregnancy. When I think about Rylan I feel guilty because I feel that my body pushed him out long before he was ready to enter this world. If it had been up to him, he would have stayed in there all 40 weeks. I know that I couldn't do anything about it, and since all his sisters came, it was inevitable that he would too. As I delivered Heidi, Lily, and then Paige, I grasped on to the very small possibility of Rylan being able to make it. I daydream of you still being with us, and I wish that at the least, you could have survived this and still be with us today. Even though you were our smallest baby, I just know that you were going to grow up to be a big, strong boy. I am at peace knowing that Rylan wanted to take care of his sisters in heaven, so that is where he is meant to be.

For the longest time, Josh and I were undecided about his name. I had mentioned the name before, but it was never really decided on, until the night he was born. Your Daddy and I looked at you, and we just said "Rylan". It was perfect for you. Otto has been a family name for many generations in Josh's family, so without question, we passed that name on to Rylan.

(I found this clip in the magazine I was reading after we picked his name. Some celebrity had just named their son Rylan too. I thought that was quite a coincidence since it's a pretty unique name.)
Rylan, we hope that we will be blessed with another baby boy one day, and when we are he will have your middle name to carry out your legacy.

Rylan never gave me any trouble. He was a perfectly sweet baby, and just wanted peace and quite in utero. Every time the ultrasound techs would try to measure him, he'd flip around or cover his face just to get some sleep. I have a feeling that he was going to be very confident and independent, like his Dad. Like I said, he contently stayed in his own corner as far away as possible from all the commotion the girls were always causing.

(Here he is covering his face)
Rylan, you are angel who was meant to be in heaven. I hope you are having the best time. We love you a miss you more than words can say.

Lauren Pictures, Images and PhotosLauren Pictures, Images and Photos


  1. Lauren, Thank you for sharing you beautiful stories about the green beans. I look forward to hearing about the other two princesses. I am so in awe of how in tune you were with these little ones. 2 1/2 years later I am still trying to get in tune with mine. You are such a special woman and I pray that every day that goes by gets a little easier for you and Josh.


  2. Boys are sweet arent they! Again thank you so much for sharing your little guy with all of us... He is just precious and God knows he was meant to look after his sisters.... He was smart from the beginning stayed out of the girls way :) God Bless and I look forward to hearing about the other two girls....

  3. Rylan really is the perfect name for your perfect little boy. I can only imagine how much you miss your son. Thank you for sharing these sacred memories with us Lauren. I think of your babies often. They are dear to so many hearts.

  4. Lauren...I love his name, it is very unique. Thank you for sharing another one of your babies with us. I can't wait to read more. You have inspired me to share my girls' stories someday (even though I only have 2, not 4:) I hope others in blogland will too. It is very fun to learn more about them individually. Thinking of you and your sweet ones.

  5. Rylan, I know from reading what your mommy said you are a sweet little boy and your sisters are so lucky to have you comfort them until mommy and daddy are able to hold you. I do believe you are also holding your other sibling and getting them ready to make there debut here on earth. You are amazing and I hope I will get to meet you one day? Amen

  6. What a gorgeous little boy. Looks so handsome with his sweet little hat. Lauren you are an inspirational mother. Truly. I can't imagine how much you miss your babies, but I want you to know I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. xxxx

  7. Lauren, thank you for sharing such wonderful thoughts and words with us about your green beans. You have so much love and your angels are so lucky to have you as their mother.

  8. Rylan was on our boys names list. It's a great name I think! I can't say I blame him for trying to stay away from the girls. He just wanted some peace and quiet! :) Such a special little boy!

  9. Lauren, your strength amazes me everyday. Your Green Beans are angels in heaven and will always be with you and Josh.

  10. Hi Lauren,
    What a wonderful tribute you have started on your blog, I love it. You have me in tears, its so beautiful.
    Hugs, Nan

  11. I just wanted to say thank you for trusting us with such wonderful memories. Everyone of these babies are so special and unique. My heart aches for you everyday and I can not imagine how much your heart aches.

  12. Rylan is just as beautiful and unique as his name! He had to be the calm, quiet one when sharing a space with three girls! He's up in heaven protecting his sisters & keeping them in check. I can imagine him throwing his hands up & rolling his eyes at all the girly drama!

  13. ohhhhh this one made me cry!! your strength is amazing


  14. I've read through your entries and just wanted to send you warm thoughts. The stories and pictures of your babies are beautiful. I gave birth to preterm twins and a preterm single and they are with your quads in heaven. I know that they are all watching over us and that one day we will see them again.

  15. I too feel like Rylan is watching over his sisters. What a sweet baby boy!

  16. Your son is precious, he just so happens to share his first name with my son.... Who fought to be with me today...


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    My Story
    Welcome to my life…

    Over the past three years it has been flipped upside down. I am 31 years old, and married to my hubby of three years, Josh. We have 4 beautiful angel babies, who are fondly known as our “Green Beans”. The first of my quads, Heidi, held on as long as she could and was born on January 31, 2009 after pPROMing at 17 weeks. A few weeks later, I pPROM’d with my sweet Lily. Lily, Paige, and Rylan were all born at 22 weeks on February 23, 2009. Just after being released from the hospital empty handed, I returned with a high fever and infection. Two of the nights I spent in the hospital that week, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was the sickest and most hopeless I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my diagnosis was a broken heart.

    Our journey to becoming parents has had its share of happiness and heartbreaks. I got through every day by staying close to Josh, friends and family, blogging, and relying on God that my future will be bright. All the love and support I’ve gotten has greatly helped me manage……I am alive and well, and want to be my absolute best as a result of this.

    On May 1st 2011, we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Taylor, into this world. She is our miracle baby and brings so much joy and happiness in our lives. She is such a gift from God.

    I have come out of all of this with a better appreciation of life. I hope to make the best of this situation by helping others who will experience a similar loss.

    Remembering The Green Beans
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