July 19, 2009

lillian nicole

This is part 3 of Remembering my Green Beans, and it's all about my sweet, little Lily today. This has been a tough week for me; I've been thinking about my babies so much lately. My sadness and grief is unpredictable. Just when I think things are getting easier, I have a bad day (or week) for no apparent reason. It doesn't worry me though, I realize these feelings are normal and will be with me forever. I'm learning how to deal with it and how to incorporate it into my daily life.

Once known as "Baby B", our calm and compliant baby girl was given a very special name by her Daddy. Lily was named after Josh's grandma, Lillian, who was very influential in his life growing up. I unfortunately, never got the pleasure of meeting her, but I know she is up in heaven holding our babies and enjoying them.

Lily Nicole

Lily, Josh, and I got to spend the most time together the night she was born. Lily was the first of the 3 that came on February 23. Lily held on for as long as she could, but eventually had to come just a little too early. Lily was our largest and longest baby measuring 1 pound and 11" long. She seemed so close to being able to intubate, but her lungs we not developed enough yet. I wish it was meant to be that you were still with us, Lily. It's just not fair that you were so close. When we met you were so calm and angelic. Our memory of you will always be perfect.

Lily, you are so special to your Daddy and I. I cannot wait to see you again one day. You are missed more than words can say.

Lauren Pictures, Images and PhotosLauren Pictures, Images and Photos


  1. She is Perfect! I love her name it is beautiful like her!
    Lauren, Grief is something we do for along time after loosing our children, I am 12 years out from loosing my precious baby girl and I think about her every single day....{{Hugs}}

  2. Thank you for sharing another one of your sweet babies with us. I love her name and she is beautiful.
    I hope you find some "good" days soon.

  3. "Angelic" is the perfect word to describe your beautiful Lily. As I look at the pictures, she really does look like a perfect little angel. Your babies are so special, Lauren, and they mean so much to so many.

  4. Your babies deserve these tributes and you're a great mommy for doing this, it's great to know all the detaiks about The Beans, their names, dispositions, etc. You've got your choice of shoulders to cry on at Perno Plantation :)

  5. These tributes are so lovely... Little Lily is beautiful, a flower among the angels and saints in heaven.

  6. I know you don't know me, but this is such a beautiful tribute to your little angels.
    I'm sure they can't wait to see you either!
    I'm very sorry for your loss and I pray that God brings you comfort.

  7. I just feel that Lily was the most perfect name for that beautiful, little baby. I'll bet she is the laid back of the girls, teaming up with Rylan to keep the other girls under wraps!

  8. Lauren, I love that you're doing this. It helps us all love your babies a little more. And it gives us a beautiful glimpse into how blessed they and your future babies are to have you as their mom.

  9. I wish Lily's lungs could've been developed enough to help her breathe. Lily is such a pretty name.

  10. Dear Lauren,
    Thank you for sharing each of your babies with us, one by one. Lilly was beautiful! I hate to hear that you've been having a hard time lately, but I would be worried if those times never came for you. It is part of normal grief, but it is hard. So very hard. Still praying for you and Josh.

  11. Your angel, Lily is probably up in heaven playing with my angel Jenna Belle. I am sorry for you loss and understand your pain on some level. My sweet angel left this earth 11 weeks ago. ~Prayers

  12. Lily is such a sweet name and she is so beautiful I just want to kiss her sweet spirit. Lily has a special place in my heart and I will never forget her. Lily XOXOXO

  13. Tag, you're it! Visit my blog at rubybaby09.blogspot.com to find out what the tag is about. Have fun!!

  14. these are very nice posts lauren. thanks for sharing. amazing what you learned about your babies in such a short time. they really are such unique little people aren't they? wishing you well as always.

  15. They all would have been so beautiful! Your family is in my prayers.. And her name is unique and special. I love it, so did my mother, she named me the same.

    Lillian Nicole

  16. Lily is gorgeous! My daughter was about her size, 1.3lbs and 12".


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    My Story
    Welcome to my life…

    Over the past three years it has been flipped upside down. I am 31 years old, and married to my hubby of three years, Josh. We have 4 beautiful angel babies, who are fondly known as our “Green Beans”. The first of my quads, Heidi, held on as long as she could and was born on January 31, 2009 after pPROMing at 17 weeks. A few weeks later, I pPROM’d with my sweet Lily. Lily, Paige, and Rylan were all born at 22 weeks on February 23, 2009. Just after being released from the hospital empty handed, I returned with a high fever and infection. Two of the nights I spent in the hospital that week, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was the sickest and most hopeless I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my diagnosis was a broken heart.

    Our journey to becoming parents has had its share of happiness and heartbreaks. I got through every day by staying close to Josh, friends and family, blogging, and relying on God that my future will be bright. All the love and support I’ve gotten has greatly helped me manage……I am alive and well, and want to be my absolute best as a result of this.

    On May 1st 2011, we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Taylor, into this world. She is our miracle baby and brings so much joy and happiness in our lives. She is such a gift from God.

    I have come out of all of this with a better appreciation of life. I hope to make the best of this situation by helping others who will experience a similar loss.

    Remembering The Green Beans
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