July 27, 2009

heidi michelle

I've been struggling with this post about Heidi a little because I didn't get a chance to "know" her like I did the other 3. Heidi PPROM'd at 17 weeks and then I had her at 19, and I never saw her or got to hold her. What I do know about Heidi, is that she is a very special girl. She came into this world a few weeks before my other 3, and when this happened we were of course very sad to lose her, but I felt that is was meant to be. We were at peace with it. She made the ultimate sacrifice to give her brother and sisters more room to grow up and be strong. It was a really courageous thing to do. After we lost Heidi I had a few weeks at home, feeling so good. I spent that time on strict bed rest, just eating and sleeping and the babies were thriving. For the weeks after we lost Heidi, and I was still pregnant with the others, I felt like God had given us our own personal angel to watch over us. Heidi, you are our first angel and will always be remembered for what you did.

Heidi Michelle


Our little "Baby A" was named Heidi Michelle because of a couple reasons. First is because of her demeanor; she was the first of the quads to be conceived, and was very active and seemed determined. Her profile shot at 16 weeks resembled me a little, so we felt that she was best suited to be named after me, so we passed my middle name on to her. Heidi was another name that I've just always loved. For years, I've talked about my girls, "Heidi and Paige" that I'd have one day. I just knew those would be their names. I always pictured Heidi having blonde, curly hair and big blue eyes. I knew that they would be my daughters one day, I just never imagined that they would be angels...


Heidi at 16 weeks.
I never really saw Heidi, and we don't have any pictures of her. Honestly, I was a little nervous of what a 19 week gestation baby would look like, but I imagine her being just as perfect and beautiful as the others. Heidi, you were always meant to be an angel. You did a wonderful thing by giving your siblings a better chance at life. You will never be forgotten. Your Mommy and Daddy are so grateful for the time we did have with you. We miss you more than words can say... And we'll see you one day in heaven.

A picture of Heidi's actual footprints act as the background image to our 'Remembering The Green Beans' button.

Lauren Pictures, Images and PhotosLauren Pictures, Images and Photos

19 comments:

  1. Heidi is one I think of a lot and is special to me I think because I started reading your blog about the time your water broke with her. I love her little footprints! You are so lucky to have such wonderful Angels protecting you!

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  2. What a sweet girl. She is beautiful and is a great a big sister. I know I have said this before, but thank you for sharing your babies with us. I have really enjoyed reading about them.
    xx,
    Tina

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  3. What a sweet tribute to her! Thank you so much for sharing with us.

    Heidi is the name of my cousin and best friend in this world. Active and determined are great descriptors of "Heidi"s. A few more are caring, compassionate, and fearless.... all of which your Heidi seemed to be.

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  4. Thank you for sharing Heidi. She is very special!

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  5. Lauren, I love your tributes to all your sweet angels. It's amazing how much you can get to know them even in the short time they were with you.

    We made predictions on our 4 about what their personalities would be like, based on how they were inutero.....and believe it or not, they held true even today. You know your beans better than anyone and I love hearing about each one of them!

    Love,
    Moni

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  6. she is such a treasure. i always felt that way about nick... that he came early to give his twin a better chance. my little hero.

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  7. You precious girl was waiting to greet her siblings, You should be so proud....Im so happy and honored to have been given a chance to know your little Green Beans :)

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  8. Remembering Heidi with you today. Thank you for your tributes to each of your "Green Beans". They are each unique, special and perfect, just as God made them. Praying for your continued comfort as you continue to walk down this road of grief.
    Love and blessings,
    Tonya

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  9. such great stories and memories about each of your "green beans". thank you for sharing their stories with us!

    love the blog...keep it up!

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  10. You are an amazing one and your love for your babies is awesome. I'm glad you took the time to remember them one by one... Very sweet.

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  11. I love this sweet tribute to Heidi.

    It was fun to hang out with ya'll the other day. We all came home completely worn out with lots of fun memories. Hope to do it again soon!

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  12. Sweet baby girl, sleep in peace. May you play in Heaven always. Love to you xoxo Nan

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  13. Are any of the green beans identical or were they all fraternal?

    I'm sorry for the tremendous loss your family has suffered.

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  14. Heidi's ultrasound pic and footprints are precious!

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  15. I'm with you Lauren, I'm certain she was perfect and beautiful. What a special baby girl. You must miss her very much. Hugs.

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    My Story
    Welcome to my life…

    Over the past three years it has been flipped upside down. I am 31 years old, and married to my hubby of three years, Josh. We have 4 beautiful angel babies, who are fondly known as our “Green Beans”. The first of my quads, Heidi, held on as long as she could and was born on January 31, 2009 after pPROMing at 17 weeks. A few weeks later, I pPROM’d with my sweet Lily. Lily, Paige, and Rylan were all born at 22 weeks on February 23, 2009. Just after being released from the hospital empty handed, I returned with a high fever and infection. Two of the nights I spent in the hospital that week, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was the sickest and most hopeless I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my diagnosis was a broken heart.

    Our journey to becoming parents has had its share of happiness and heartbreaks. I got through every day by staying close to Josh, friends and family, blogging, and relying on God that my future will be bright. All the love and support I’ve gotten has greatly helped me manage……I am alive and well, and want to be my absolute best as a result of this.

    On May 1st 2011, we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Taylor, into this world. She is our miracle baby and brings so much joy and happiness in our lives. She is such a gift from God.

    I have come out of all of this with a better appreciation of life. I hope to make the best of this situation by helping others who will experience a similar loss.





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