Over the past three years it has been flipped upside down. I am 31 years old, and married to my hubby of three years, Josh. We have 4 beautiful angel babies, who are fondly known as our “Green Beans”. The first of my quads, Heidi, held on as long as she could and was born on January 31, 2009 after pPROMing at 17 weeks. A few weeks later, I pPROM’d with my sweet Lily. Lily, Paige, and Rylan were all born at 22 weeks on February 23, 2009. Just after being released from the hospital empty handed, I returned with a high fever and infection. Two of the nights I spent in the hospital that week, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was the sickest and most hopeless I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my diagnosis was a broken heart.
Our journey to becoming parents has had its share of happiness and heartbreaks. I got through every day by staying close to Josh, friends and family, blogging, and relying on God that my future will be bright. All the love and support I’ve gotten has greatly helped me manage……I am alive and well, and want to be my absolute best as a result of this.
On May 1st 2011, we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Taylor, into this world. She is our miracle baby and brings so much joy and happiness in our lives. She is such a gift from God.
I have come out of all of this with a better appreciation of life. I hope to make the best of this situation by helping others who will experience a similar loss.
((hugs)) lauren.
ReplyDeletemy due date with my twins was june 29th too, of 2008. crazy that we share that connection.
for me, once i passed the due date, i felt some relief. praying its the same for you...
((hugs))
Hi Lauren.
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling right now, but know that I'm praying for you.
You are an absolute inspiration to me, as I've begun to read your blog (found it through another quad mom). You and Josh have been through the unthinkable. I admire and respect the way you've continued to live... not necessarily moving on, but moving through... and taking the love and memories you have of your four children with you.
I'm praying for you.
Oh, Lauren... I also can't even imagine... Just praying your heart finds comfort. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteLauren, I am so sorry. (((Hugs))) Like Devon said, passing my due date with Vivian and Annemarie gave me a lot of relief- it wasn't always "I would be this pregnant by now..." but of course, that was soon replaced with "this time last year i was this many weeks pregnant"- I'm hoping that when I pass the year mark, this too will fade. I am learning that it all takes time- lots of time and not to rush it.
ReplyDeleteI hope that passing your due date gives you some peace, and a little bit of healing...many hugs to you. I know how much you miss all four of your little ones.
-Erika
http://littletinyfootprints.blogspot.com/
Lauren,
ReplyDeleteEDD are one of those awful dates that stick in your head for a long time. Mine is June 23rd...I hate that date. Multiple losses are so hard because sometimes you have so many dates that you have to battle through. It feels like it takes forever to get passed that really awful time of year. I hope that the sunshine of summer lightens your spirits just a little. Keep doing what you are doing...one foot in front of the other. Thinking of you...
I have no words, just prayers & hugs for you. I just can't imagine what the day is like for you.
ReplyDeleteI pray that your arms are full soon with 4 amazing little angels to watch over them.
Hugs,
Hey hon, Im so sorry and I completely feel your pain. Mine is coming up July 24th and Im already anxious about it. Just know that you are thought of and that you are a source of encouragement and inspiration to me. You have a great heart and have come a long way to try and have happier days. You are doing so good and I am proud of you. I will light a candle for your sweet angels tonight. Hugs to you xoxo Nan
ReplyDeleteLauren, I remember seeing your story somewhere else. My heart aches for you. I lost a little boy at 22 weeks gestation back in Dec 2003, so I understand the pain of losing a baby...but not YOUR pain losing all four of your precious little ones.
ReplyDeleteSending you {{{{{HUGS}}}} and letting you know that I'm thinking of you and your babies today.
P.S. I live in the Tampa area (well over on the other side of the bay, in Largo).
Lauren - one of the things I cringe most at with loss is the number of days of the year that get tinged for us. Your edd is a very special day. Thinking of you as you navigate this first year.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Lauren,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment. My trio were born at 23w6d gestation. An awful, awful grey zone to have them be born at. If you want you can email me at rmcconathy@tripletbutterflywings.com and we can talk more in private :)
If you want I can add your green beans to my Heaven's Butterfly Garden too... www.tripletbutterflywings.com
I am thinking of you babe!!! XOXOXO
ReplyDeleteLauren, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Your loss is unimaginable but the love surrounding you is not. xxxx
ReplyDeleteI wish they were here also. Thinking of you and Josh.
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteI'm sure yesterday was hard...I hope you were able to find some peace. Remembering your "green beans" today and every day...
Love,
Tonya
Lo,
ReplyDeletethinking of you this week and praying for you always.
I cannot even begin to imagine the loss sadness and devastation that you are feeling. I had a loss, as did my sister, my sister lost her son at 38wks and they don't know why. The only thing that I can say is that God hears and sees your tears, He is there with you. I don't know why things happen, but He does and it is for His glory in the end.
ReplyDeleteThat is probably hard to hear, at this stage, it has been 7months since we lost RJ and we remind ourselves constantly that it is He who knows all, even on the bad days. God bles you, my prayers are with you
Lauren, You'll find more dates that will be heart tuggers. Just remember, they are always with you, just tucked under your heart.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
BIG BIG GIANT HUGS to you!!!!
ReplyDeletekristi.guillory
Lauren, please know that I've continued to pray for you and think of you often. I hope you are able to find peace soon.
ReplyDeleteI just read through your entire blog and am heartbroken we are in the same spot. Our babies were ht eame size, it shows how small Nolan was for 26 weeks. I noticed your close to me, Im in Ft Myers. Feel free to email me, it's nice talking to other mothers that understand what we are feeling.
ReplyDelete-Nolan's Mom
Ashley
nolesgirl724@yahoo.com