February 24, 2009


I started walking around a little yesterday, and more today.  Josh and I just took a walk around the hospital floor.  I feel like a 90 year old frail lady right now, but I am confident that my body will bounce back soon.  It's been 11 days since I've set foot on the floor, so it's a big adjustment!

We are waiting for the doctor to come back to write up our discharge paperwork.  My lab results look fine, and I'm eating (which I never have a problem doing).  We are so looking forward to getting home soon.  I can't wait for a good 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep in my own big bed!

Thanks to all have sent the encouraging comments and emails.  It's amazing to see how many people care and who want to help.  I wish there was something you all could do TO help, but more prayers and support is all we can ask for.  This morning has been really hard for me, but I am trying to focus on the positive in all this.


  1. Then, prayers and support you shall have. I wish I could just give you a big hug.
    Thinking of you often,

  2. Lauren,

    I can't imagine the magnitude of your loss. Your attitude toward this is a huge testimony to who God is in your life.

    I pray that God's presence will be sensed even greater than ever, and that in your heart of hearts, even in the midst of this, you will be certain of his goodness and love.

  3. Both you and josh are in my prays. We have never met but ive been following your blog for a long time now .Go home to day enjoy your own bed and get some loving from your 2 pets that are waitng at home for you . Just know you have a wonderful family who is there for you many friends and many total strangers saying lots of prays for both you and josh . If you or josh everneed anything let me know .

    gerard in orlando fl

  4. Hey Lauren I am glad to hear that you are up and moving around. Please let us know if we can do any for you and Josh. You know we are just a phone call way. Lots of Love and prayers

  5. Mary and Fred HoffmannFebruary 24, 2009 at 1:08 PM

    Dear Lauren and Josh,
    Our hearts are breaking for you. I only lost one baby but it is something you never forget. We will continue praying for you.
    Mary and Uncle Fred

  6. Lauren,
    It does take some time to get used to putting weight on your body. It is exhausting and sometimes hard to breathe when you first do it. It's possible that your feet will swell and tingle. If you think you might need some sleep or pain medication to help you get your days and nights straight and get back into action, you might want to ask for it before you leave TGH. (It just seemed to me to be harder to communicate with the docs after I left the hospital). With some rest, you'll be back to your old self in a few weeks.
    Ellen Lyons

  7. I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. I don't even know what to say other than that I am so so sorry. I cannot imagine the pain...

  8. We're praying for you guys and love you. I'm glad you're going home to your own bed to rest.

  9. I'm so sorry for what happened. It's crazy how things play out sometimes. I personally know how hard this is for you and your family.

    I wish you the best of luck in the future and my heart goes out to you and your family.

    It's great to hear that you are doing well and that you are up and walking!

    I wanted to let you know I found your page from Kelly's Corner she's such a wonderful person!

    Best wishes!

  10. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. We will continue to pray for you. I'm glad to hear that you are recovering physically. God bless

  11. oh hun, i am praying for you and josh. i check in basically every day (Hi, I'm Molly) and my heart is just so sad for you.

    big hugs

  12. Lauren and Josh,

    i am praying for you and hoping that the pain does not get the better of you. God has reasons for everything it is just not always known to us.

    Hugs and Kisses

  13. Lauren...I've been lifting you up today. I can't imagine the pain you have in your heart. I hope in the coming days you will feel the peace of God as only he can provide that at a time like this. I'm so sorry

  14. Hi Lauren,

    Lifting you up in prayer today... wishing you to find some peace and comfor through all of this. *hugs* we are all wishing you the best.

    Jess & Mike Catalano in Colorado

  15. I'm sending you as many prayers & healing energy that I can. And a huge a hug!

  16. You and Josh are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you, and give you the peace that surpasses all understanding during this time.

  17. Bless your hearts. I recently found your blog from Olivia and Logan's. We lost one of our twins 7 months ago. It is something no parent should ever have to endure. I can't say time has made the hurt go away, but it has made it somewhat bearable. You and your family continue to be in my prayers.

    Much love and support,

  18. Unfortunately, I understand what you're going through. Its pretty surreal for you and your husband at first and then the grief sets in with certain triggers. We lost our daughter at 22 weeks and mourned silently. I regret that b/c today family still does not get what it felt like to hold your lifeless child in your arms. Try not to listen to those who tell you that 'it was meant to be'. People say the most insane things when they have nothing to say or are emotionally at a loss. The best thing is to say nothing. Instead, they should give you a hug, drop off dinner. movie or a gift certificate and be around if you want to talk on your terms. Remember that you're always a mother and celebrate those days too in your own special way. When the grief takes control, seek a counselor or support group so that it does not take over your marriage. And lastly, pray together at night. It will help you heal and grow closer together. You and your husband are the only ones who will understand the feeling of loss with yours. Hope this unsolicited advice helps. I could write a book on this unfortunately with all the missteps that were taken in our experience. In closing, I recommend "Why Bad Things Happen To Good People" by an amazing Rabbi. He is insightful and explains it for those who want to understand God and are seeking to draw closer to him inspite of trajedy.
    Be good to each other...

  19. Lauren,
    I speak undisturbed peace and composure over you and your husband - Isaiah 54v13. God is a loving God and did not take your babies from you, satan stole them. However, God received them in heaven.
    I Bless you with favor, grace, health, peace, protection and wisdom in Jesus' Name.

  20. I am so very sorry for your loss...all of them. I am praying for you, your husband, and your entire family.

  21. Continuing to pray for you Lauren. God is in control!!!! :o)

  22. I am so sorry for your loss. I had a 2nd trimester loss that was very difficult for me but have gone on to deliver twins and a singleton since then. I'm sure it does not seem like it now but time does help. Please go easy on yourself and take the time you need to heal. God is in control but it's OK to not feel OK right now. You will be in my family's prayers.

  23. I came across your blog from Kelly's Korner and just want to send prayers your way! With love...

  24. I found your blog through Kelly's Korner. I know this must be a difficult time for you & I will definitely be praying for you & your husband.

  25. Right before I lost our baby I was reading a blog about a woman who had a baby that wouldn't live long after birth due to a heart defect. She said when she found out she said, "My Jesus is the same". That helped me and I hope it may bring you some comfort. He is the same. Always. He loves you and has a reason. You'll be in my prayers.

  26. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will surely say a prayer for you and your husband. God bless you both.

  27. yay for no more inverted bedrest! now you get to go home to your own comfy big bed. Heal up. New babies soon come.

  28. I pray for comfort, healing, and peace for you and your husband. I can't begin to imagine your pain. You are such a loving and caring mommy - it seems God sent your babes to just the right family for their time on earth. I'm so glad you'll be reunited one day but so sorry for your grief here and now.

  29. We are praying for you too! Hopefully God will use this painful experience in your life as a way you may possibly bless others in your future! We lost four of our own babies before we were blessed with the children we have now. God used those painful experiences to lead our family to help an infertile couple through surrogacy. Amazingly I ended up carrying and giving birth to quadruplets and we felt it was God's way of letting us give back for each baby we had lost! I can empathize with the months of prayers, bedrest, uncertainty, and then suddenly being back on your feet and trying to get back into the swing of everyday life. We will forever remember the ones we lost too but as one of my young children reminded me we will have our own "quadruplets" in heaven someday! Our children will have the blessed privilege of growing up in heaven together with yours! Hopefully us parents will give ourselves completely to God so we can join them too! That will be a glorious day!!!
    I hope you have a lot lot of loved ones around to support both you and your husband through this time! You did the best you could do for your precious babies and though it is hard to understand why now God has everything in control and He is ever present to comfort you! Just keep hanging on to Him!!!

  30. I really have no words that will help, but I wanted to share something I read from Beth Moore's book "Breaking Free" yesterday that really helped me:
    "Those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son" Romans 8:29
    Whenever your heart is hemorrhaging with grief and loss, never forget that Christ binds and compresses them with a nail-scarred hand. Life will never be the same, but you have the invitation from Christ to rise to a new life - a more compassionate life, a wiser life, a more productive life. And yes, even a better life. Sound impossible? It is without Christ.
    with love in Christ.

  31. 12 hours? That's all your asking for sleep-wise?

    Give 7even and Romie lots of lovings and take the time needed to heal yourself. We all still love you just the same.

    Becky K

  32. Hi Lauren,
    I found your blog through a link from a different site. I just want you to know that I am lifting you and Josh in prayer as you find your new normal. I am so sorry for what you're going throug. Please remember that even "sisters in Christ" that you do not know are keeping you close in prayer. God bless you- you're an amazing, strong woman!

  33. Lauren and Josh,
    I just came across your blog. First and foremost, please know that I, along with so many others, are thinking of you and praying for you.

    My husband and I also lost our quadruplets last year. Baby A stopped developing at 11 weeks and Baby Bs sac ruptured at 14w 3d. All three hung on until 19w 2d when Baby Bs cord prolapsed and I contracted an infection. Baby B was born sleeping and C & D were born alive but of course too small to make it on their own. We were able to spend the day with them, have them baptised, say hello and goodbye. I went from reading quadruplet blogs to blogs on baby loss, just trying to get some answers. Unfortunately, when it comes to pPROM, there are no answers. And there aren't any magical words anyone is going to say to get you through this. Knowing that you have wonderful people around you, near and far, helps. They don't always say or do the right things, but they do care. You seem like strong people and that will help you get through this but feel free to take those moments that you think you are going to loose and just let yourself go. You DON'T have to keep it together all the time.

    My husband and I saw a counselor for about 5 months after we lost the babies and that helped somewhat. I also am getting involved with an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep which does remembrance photography for babies who are stillborn or pass shortly after birth. www.nilmdts.org. Another website that might help you is www.kanalen.org/prom. It discusses pPROM and has stories from other parents who have experienced it.

    We just passed our fist angelversary and one of the best things someone said to me was, "God lost a son also, he knows your pain, and just like him, you'll be with your children again someday too. Forever."

    That might not be much comfort to you today, but hopefully someday it will. The best positive that came from loosing our babies is that my relationship with God is so much stronger.

    I will be thinking of you in the days to come. If you ever need anything, feel free to ask.

    Remembering your babies,

  34. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was to hear of your babies....it's just not fair.

    Sending prayers your way. God bless.

  35. I'm at a loss for words. I'm praying that God will mend your broken hearts and give you and your husband peace.

  36. May you feel the presence of the Lord in your lives today, and every day. Praying for you and your family...

  37. Lauren, I am so sorry for you and your husband. I am praying for both of you.

  38. We are only placed through these trials and tribulations to learn from them. Although none of us will ever understand, we can only be here for you now. Please call me if you need anything.

  39. praying for you in new mexico. i'm so sorry for your losses. may our God comfort you in this time.

  40. Praying you will lean completely on God during this time of loss. May God put a hedge of protection around you and your husband.

    Tori, PA


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    My Story
    Welcome to my life…

    Over the past three years it has been flipped upside down. I am 31 years old, and married to my hubby of three years, Josh. We have 4 beautiful angel babies, who are fondly known as our “Green Beans”. The first of my quads, Heidi, held on as long as she could and was born on January 31, 2009 after pPROMing at 17 weeks. A few weeks later, I pPROM’d with my sweet Lily. Lily, Paige, and Rylan were all born at 22 weeks on February 23, 2009. Just after being released from the hospital empty handed, I returned with a high fever and infection. Two of the nights I spent in the hospital that week, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was the sickest and most hopeless I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my diagnosis was a broken heart.

    Our journey to becoming parents has had its share of happiness and heartbreaks. I got through every day by staying close to Josh, friends and family, blogging, and relying on God that my future will be bright. All the love and support I’ve gotten has greatly helped me manage……I am alive and well, and want to be my absolute best as a result of this.

    On May 1st 2011, we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Taylor, into this world. She is our miracle baby and brings so much joy and happiness in our lives. She is such a gift from God.

    I have come out of all of this with a better appreciation of life. I hope to make the best of this situation by helping others who will experience a similar loss.

    Remembering The Green Beans
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